Many young adults today struggle with motivation and independence due to factors like increased societal pressure, uncertainty about the future, and a lack of essential life skills. To add to the friction at home, traditional parenting approaches and perspectives may not always align with the current environment, resulting in frustration on both sides. If you’re wondering how you can motivate your young adult when all of your best intentions just seem to push them further away, the answer could be family coaching for parents of young adults.
Think of family coaching as a neutral third party–a mediator. When emotions run high and both sides feel misunderstood, a neutral third party can bridge the gap. Family coaching offers practical, goal-oriented strategies to improve communication, set clear expectations, and foster independence.
Understanding the Root Issues: Why Young Adults Struggle with Motivation & Independence
Your child may have everything, especially compared to where you started in life. It’s frustrating when they resent or fear the opportunities that you would have sold your left arm to have. You may feel lost, worried, and frustrated all on the same day–how can you motivate a young adult when your best intentions and efforts only seem to intensify the struggle between you further?
You may find yourself repeatedly asking the same questions: Why is my young adult child struggling with motivation? How do I help my young adult become more responsible? These are common parenting concerns.
A 2023 survey in the United States found that 53% of young individuals reported lack of motivation as a recurring mental health challenge. A report from the Harvard Graduate School of Education indicated that nearly three in five young adults felt their lives lacked meaning and purpose, which can significantly impact motivation.
Dr. Christy Kane is a clinical mental health counselor based in Highland, Utah. Part of her career involves traveling around the country, speaking at conferences, and sharing her passion for mental health wellness. Dr. Kane feels that the abundance of options at young adults’ disposal is overwhelming and can sometimes lead to paralyzation. “We live in a global economy,” Kane says, “and we have more choices and information than ever before, which creates paralysis for young people. There is the question of, ‘Which way should I go?’ And the fear of, ‘What if I make the wrong decision?”
Like Dr. Kane, other experts in the field agree that lack of motivation and independence stem from one or more of the following triggers:
- Job market competitiveness
- Burn out from academic or societal expectations/pressure
- Lack of life skills
- Mental health deterioration
- Fear of failure
Without strong problem-solving, financial literacy, or decision-making skills, young adults may struggle to feel confident in their ability to navigate adulthood independently. This is why Octagon Mentoring programs for teens with low self-esteem focus on eight core areas: process, mind, body, purpose, relationships, finance, career, and culture. Gaps or weak skills in any of these core life skills lead to low motivation in teens and ultimately to stagnation.
Life coaching for young adults is a way for parents and young adults to gain momentum in a way that feels collaborative and fair to both parties.
How Family Coaching Bridges the Gap
Family coaches are mental health professionals who use strengths-based coaching techniques rather than educational materials or talk therapy to help families reach self-identified goals.
Below are a few key benefits that family coaching can offer your family:
- Improve communication
- Encourage healthy boundaries
- Increase motivation and self-confidence
- Reduce parental enabling behaviors while still providing support
- Help young adults develop executive functioning skills, financial literacy, and career direction
- Help young adults set actionable goals
- Help parents identify health ways to support their struggling youth
Real Strategies Parents Can Use Right Now
Doctors across the board are seeing a rise in personality and mental disorders. For the age group of 18-24, suicide is the leading cause of death. While this is a sobering fact, it does bring home the seriousness of the challenges young adults face. Don’t wait to implement any of the following strategies that you can use right now to swing the momentum back in your favor.
1. Ask Open-Ended Questions
When you ask open-ended questions, you encourage independence without rescuing them. This shifts responsibility onto them and encourages critical thinking.
Pro Tip: Avoid “yes” or “no” questions. Instead, use “what,” “how,” and “why” questions to jumpstart personal reflection.
2. Focus On Strengths, Not Just Problems
When teens feel like they’re only being criticized, it’s like throwing water on a flame–their motivation fizzles. Instead, highlight their strengths and help them see how they can be applied in real life. This approach builds trust and open communication.
Pro Tip: Use a “strength journal” where they jot down things they do well each week.
3. Encourage Small Wins
Big goals can feel overwhelming. Celebrate smaller milestones to build confidence and momentum.
Pro Tip: Use a checklist or tracker so they can visually see their progress.
4. Create A Judgment-Free Zone
We know! This one is so tricky to do! Teens often shut down when they feel judged. If you want to see forward momentum, practice meeting them where they are so you can lift (not pull) them to higher ground. Listen more than you talk, and validate their feelings before jumping into solutions. Instead of getting frustrated when your child says things like, “I don’t see the point in school,” respond with, “Tell me more.”
Pro Tip: Schedule regular one-on-one time (e.g., walks, coffee outings).
5. Model Resilience And Growth Mindset
Teens watch how you handle challenges.
Pro Tip: Share personal stories of times you failed but kept going—this normalizes setbacks as part of the learning process, not something to be ashamed of.
6. Support Financial Independence And Career Exploration
Encourage them to earn money through part-time jobs and follow that up by teaching budgeting skills. Look for ways to expose your child to internships, volunteer work, or job shadowing can help them discover real-world applications of their skills and passions.
Pro Tip: Give them control over a small budget, such as their clothing or entertainment fund, so they learn firsthand how to manage money while making spending decisions.
Helping Parents Let Go & Young Adults Step Up – The Octagon Mentoring Way
Mentoring is all about helping both parties show up like they want to in life. Together, we’ll explore personal behavioral patterns, including tendencies like rescuing, and examine communication patterns that impact the family dynamic.
Part of what strains relationships is unmet expectations, and we work with many families that struggle with how to move forward if a young adult is struggling with low motivation. Octagon Mentoring has decades of experience in the mental health industry, and we thrive on meeting the needs of the families we work with. We consider it our privilege to bring families together through mentoring and family coaching. If your young adult is struggling with low motivation, reach out to us today for a free consultation!
